The Com. Poste 3/14/14

 pg. 1

Guy Parsons found nearly dead in alleyway

^{Article by O. Bituwary}

Guy Parson, 1942-2014

Last week, our very own Guy Parson was found in a back-street alleyway, beaten half to death on March ninth.  Guy was rushed to hospitals and arrived shortly after 11 P.M.  Mr. Parson died the next day of loss of blood, five broken ribs, and a severe concussion.  Authorities are investigating as to the culprit responsible for Parson’s untimely passing. Two days prior, one Josephos Rex had contacted The Com. Poste,  claiming to have information concerning Guy’s whereabouts.  Guy Parson had been missing for over 55 years, and Mr. Rex had been the first to claim to know of his location, causing the police to suspect him of Parson’s murder.  Authorities are currently searching for Josephos, who disappeared after Parson died, and any information regarding his location would be appreciated and should be reported to the proper officials immediately.  While the manhunt for Mr. Rex continues, a memorial service and funeral have been planned for next Friday to honor Guy’s life and legacy.  The Com. Poste will be covering the memorial service as well as presenting a testimony of our own to honor this man’s great achievements.  continued on pg. 5

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

pg. 2

Russians Down Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 in Attempt to Frame Ukraine

^{Article by Moe Ronnick}

 

After spending the week desperately trying to locate the missing Malaysia Airlines flight 370, United States officials have still found no lead on the plane, which mysteriously vanished last Saturday, giving rise to all manner of speculation as to what could have happened.  The search for the missing flight has been riddled with false alarms and faulty leads.  At one point, oil slicks had been found off the coast of Vietnam, causing many to think that the plane may have made an emergency landing on the Vietnamese coast, but subsequent investigation ruled the possibility out, as the oil was not from an aerial vehicle.  Many also suspected two Iranians who had boarded the plane with forged passports of sabotaging the plane in an act of terror, but these rumors were also negated by further investigation.  Of course, the usual theories of alien abduction and government conspiracy ran rampant too once the news hit the internet.  But one theory stands out among the others.  Doing its own online research and on-site investigation, The Com. Poste has developed a theory of its own. Was this the fate of MH370?   Given the recent Ukraine-Russia affair, this sudden disaster could hardly be a coincidence, especially taking into account the presence of two Ukrainians and a Russian on-board the flight.  Based on statistics and the location of the plane as it lost radio con-tact, it is highly possible, if not probable, that the plane could have been shot down or hijacked as it flew over the ocean, similar to the opening scene of The Dark Knight Rises.  Russia is definitely the main suspect in this, most likely wishing to incriminate the two Ukrainians on the plane.  Family members of the people on board the missing flight say that they had called their loved ones’ cell phones, and that they had “heard ringing on the other end, but no one answered,” implicating that the plane was hijacked rather than shot down.  While some may argue that it is more likely that the two Ukrainians staged the assault, it is much more probable that the Russians, being the more aggressive of the two nations, would have hijacked the airplane.  Another snag being that Ukraine does not currently have the money or manpower to stage such an assault. Although U.S. officials deny that any sort of terrorism was involved in the disappearance, it now appears more than ever that things are not what they seem.  continued on pg. 9