The Sunday Driver - 3/23/14

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Guy Parson – Remembering his Life and Legacy

Article by O. Bituwary

Guy Parson, 1942-2014

Last week, our very own Guy Parson died of blood loss, five broken ribs, and a severe concussion.  Tears were shed all week long for the great man until Friday morning, when a memorial service was held to honor the man’s life and accomplishments.  Tears flowed freely that day as the reality of Guy’s death sunk in.  Missing at the age of fourteen, Guy Parson was lost for over 55 years.  Two weeks ago, Guy was found beaten half to death in a back-street alleyway and he died the next day at the hospital.  Everyone at The Sunday Driver and The Com. Poste have admired and respected Guy our whole lives, enamored by his many accomplishments, from his first word and step, to the first time he rode a bike.  He survived for fifty-five years out in the harsh world without guidance or parents.  He survived without food stamps or government aid (or so it is assumed) his entire life.  And so it is that The Com. Poste is honored to dedicate this issue of The Sunday Driver to Guy Parson’s life and legacy.  Guy Parson, if you are up there somewhere looking down upon us, we praise you for your triumphs and honor you for your life.

“Divergent” shocks as possibly the worst film of the Century

Article by Phil M. Komen-Tory

despite its best efforts, The Sunday Driver could not find a poster featuring neither a
shirtless guy nor the two main protagonists

Crowds crowded outside the movie theaters screaming at the top of their lungs in ecstasy for the new post-apocalyptic dystopian film “Divergent” based on the book by the same name.  Riotous crowds of dejected, disappointed fans left the theater two hours later demanding their money back from whoever they could nag.  Brawls broke out as people started assaulting each other and holding hold-ups in mad attempts to get their wasted cash back.  In short, people rioted to get inside, and they rioted to get outside the moment they succeeded.  
   Much hype led up to the release of “Divergent”, which was based on the mega-hit Hunger Games knockoff by Veronica Roth.  “Divergent” follows the story of young Beatrice/Tris or whatever the heck her name is as she struggles to pass the Hunger Games-esqe initiation into her faction, Dauntless.  As per the teenage fad, KatTris picks up a totally hot boyfriend along the way too.  Also per the teenage fad, there is a nasty, evil, tough guy who is willing to do anything to come out on top, including stab someone in the eye with a fork, try to throw someone off a cliff into a raging river below, and beat the snot out of another guy until he falls unconscious.  But for as terrible as the book was, the movie was even worse.  Predictably, both the book and the film are loaded with sexual references, exposing moments, and “super-sexy moments” as one teenage girl put it.  
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  The detestability of the film has thrown entire cities into disarray as victims of it demand that the film be banned, their money be returned, and much more besides.  Peter Travers responded to the film in the following manner: “worst film of the year?  Worst film ever!”  Other reviewers have spoken of the film as “a pile of @%*!”, while others have described it as “an abomination against humanity and film.”  Despite public reactions, the studio has insisted that the film is up to standards, although they have postponed the release of the film’s sequel “Insurgent” indefinitely after the riots and complaints.  In protest against the film, anti-Divergent groups have started rallies against the film and have even gone so far as to begin a petition demanding that “Divergent” be banned in the United States.  After all the hate directed toward “Divergent”, it will be no surprise if we see it sweeping the podiums at next year’s Razzie awards.

Obligatory TV Schedule

	7:00	9:00	12:00	2:00	4:00	6:00	8:00
HBO	Game  of  Thrones	Game  of Thrones	Game  of Thrones	Game  of Thrones	Game  of Thrones	Game  of Thrones	What else does HBO have?
DUMB	TMZ	TMZ	Dish  Nation	Dish Nation	The View	The View	Infomercials
AMC	The Walking Dead	The Walking Dead	The Walking Dead	The Walking Dead	The Walking Dead	The Walking Dead	Nothing but The Walking Dead
A&E	Duck Dynasty	Duck Dynasty	Duck Dynasty	Duck Dynasty	Duck Dynasty	Duck Dynasty	Wahlburgers
PBS	Downtown Abbey	Downtown Abbey	Oh… Downton Abbey	Downton Abbey	Downton Abbey	Sherlock, I wish…	What’s that?
TLC	Say Yes to the Dress	Say Yes to the Dress	Say Yes to the Dress	Hoarding Buried Alive	Hoarding Buried  Alive	Hoarding Buried Alive	The joke is getting old?
NBC	Tonight Show w/ Jimmy Fallon	Tonight Show w/ Jimmy Fallon	The Blacklist	The Blacklist	The Blacklist	The Voice	We’ve made our point?
ABC	The  Bachelor	The Bachelorette	Marvel: Agents of Shield	Once Upon a Time	Dancing With the Stars	Even more junk!!!	Awww, fine!  Just one more…
FOX	Glee	Cosmos	Cosmos	Cosmos	Cosmos	Cosmos	See, even you laughed at that one…

                                                                                                                                                                             

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