Audience, meet Satirical Lyrics. Satirical Lyrics, meet Audience...

It is my pleasure to introduce “Satirical Lyrics”, the latest running series from Opinionated. In “Satirical Lyrics”, Opinionated will be choosing songs and writing parodies of them using the same beat, tune, meter, etc. and changing up the lyrics to fit a certain theme set for that post. That being said, it is also my honor to announce that the first “Satirical Lyrics” post shall be held in honor of the recent Oscars/Academy Awards/WhateverYouWantToCallIt, and shall feature the songs nominated for the “best original song” award. In the future, Opinionated and MiddleDude hope to release music videos for these lyrics as well (hopefully, but not likely). So, without any further ado, commotion, stalling, prolongation, delays, suspense, or anything else that might make you read any longer before finally reading the hilarious lyrics that you anticipate even as you read this, wishing I would just hurry up and get to the point already and show you the lyrics… Oh... Was that stalling? Anyway, here are the Oscar Nominees for “best original satirical song lyrics”.

Crappy – By MiddleDude, based on the song by Pharrell featured in Despicable Me 2.

It might seem stupid that I’m about to whine
Oscars they’re here, it’s my time to shine
I’m gonna win like Lupita Nyong’o
Unexpected, the Oscar goes to Let It Go.

This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you’re a poor loser and a brat
This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you’re thinking  “ aw, crap” or “oh, drat!”
This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you know that you were snubbed like that
This song is Crappy
Only clap along if you aren’t the loser laughed at 

Here come Fox News talking this and that, yeah,
Well, give me the Oscar, and don’t hold back, yeah,
Well, I should probably warn you I won’t be fine, yeah,
This song’s really bad, don’t waste your time  
Here’s why:

This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you’re a poor loser and a brat
This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you’re thinking  “ aw, crap” or “oh, drat!”    
This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you know that you were snubbed like that 
This song is Crappy
Only clap along if you aren’t the loser laughed at

Hey, come on 

(crappy)
Gimme awards
Can't nothing earn me awards
My song’s way too bad
Gimme awards
Can't nothing earn me awards
I said (let me tell you now)
Gimme awards
Can't nothing earn me awards
My song’s way too bad
Gimme awards
Can't nothing earn me awards
I said   

This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you’re a poor loser and a brat
This song is Crappy Don’t clap along if you’re thinking  “ aw, crap” or “oh, drat!” 
This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you know that you were snubbed like that 
This song is Crappy
Only clap along if you aren’t the loser laughed at

This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you’re a poor loser and a brat
This song is Crappy Don’t clap along if you’re thinking  “ aw, crap” or “oh, drat!” 
This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you know that you were snubbed like that 
This song is Crappy
Only clap along if you aren’t the loser laughed at

Hey, come on 

(crappy)
Gimme awards… can’t nothing…
Gimme awards… my song’s way too bad…
Gimme awards… can’t nothing…
Gimme awards, I said (let me tell you now)

This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you’re a poor loser and a brat
This song is Crappy
 Don’t clap along if you’re thinking  “ aw, crap” or “oh, drat!” 
This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you know that you were snubbed like that 
This song is Crappy
Only clap along if you aren’t the loser laughed at

This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you’re a poor loser and a brat
This song is Crappy
 Don’t clap along if you’re thinking  “ aw, crap” or “oh, drat!” 
This song is Crappy
Don’t clap along if you know that you were snubbed like that 
This song is Crappy
Only clap along if you aren’t the loser laughed at

Hey, come on
  

Make it Flow – by MiddleDude, based on the song by Idina Menzel featured in Frozen. 

The lights glow white on the Oscars tonight
Not a celeb is missing
A kingdom of stupidity,
And it looks like Ellen’s Queen.  

The crowd is howling like this red carpet inside
The academy, heaven knows my prize

Don’t let them sing, don’t let them win
Accept your Oscar award with a grin
Give thanks, don’t whine, give them a show
Well, now they know 

Make it flow, make it flow
Give a speech you have the floor
Make it flow, make it flow
Give a speech no less no more

I don’t care
What they say ‘bout me, no
Let the show go on,
No interviews for People or Cosmo 

It’s funny how some Oscar  
Makes me anything but small 
And the crowds that once ignored me 
Can’t get to me at all   

It’s time to thank my family  
And to thank the academy
No right, no wrong, no rules in speech
I’m free 

Make it flow, make it flow
I’m nervous and I don’t know why  
Make it flow, make it flow
My speech will make them cry

Here I stand
And here I'll thank
Let the show go on

I am never going back to working Broadway
I am an Academy Award winner all the way  
And my acceptance speech will not yet be my last
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past 

Make it flow, make it flow
The viewers have started to yawn  
Make it flow, make it flow
My speech time’s almost gone

I don’t care
What they say ‘bout me, no
Let the show go on,
No interviews for People or Cosmo

Note: no crude potty-humor jokes or innuendos were intended in the previous song, and any material pertaining to certain bodily functions is merely a result of unfortunate artistic necessity.  Any references to "making it flow" are references to the "flow" or "smoothness" of the acceptance speech being given by the singer… and it rhymed with "go", the original lyric of the song.

Anyway, the winner, of the Oscar for best original satirical song, goes to... (drumroll) Make it Flow!!!!  Well, okay, it's not that big a surprise as the Oscars already happened several days ago, and I didn't think to write a Oscar-themed Satirical Lyrics post until after the Oscars.  If anyone has any suggestions for songs you want to be parodied, please leave your recommendations in the comment section, and you might end up seeing your song parodied in later posts.  Just for reference, the next post is going to be Halo themed (Halo, as in the first-person shooter in which you kill aliens and zombies in order to save the universe, not halo, as in the thing that hangs over angels' heads) so plan your suggestions accordingly. 

I was originally going to parody all four "best original song"  nominees, but it was brought to my attention that it may get redundant, so I settled for just the two most well-known (and easiest to mock) songs.  In the next post, I plan to include more songs, but may cut them down a bit.